I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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