even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
now i know why i became what i already was.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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