It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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