I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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