It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
