I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
