google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
