it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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