Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
