i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
