I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
