He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
