Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
