i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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