I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
