dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
