I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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