remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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