She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
