Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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