Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
