WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
