you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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