i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
