I want to walk on stilts...naked
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
