; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
