I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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