I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
