okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
