I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
