your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
