her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
