awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im holly from the hills drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
