Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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