Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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