drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
