My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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