I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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