She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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