Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
