Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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