Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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