either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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