At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
