If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
