I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
