and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
