I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
