now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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