A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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