well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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