Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
