Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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