I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
