the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
